[Updated] I think it’s time for a retreat

I just feel like I’m running and running, on empty… getting tangled up and bogged down… crashing into walls, usually of my own construction… So much noise and murkiness…

In short, my spiritual life seems to be at a chaotic dead end.

I need a break.  I need some quiet and some stillness.  I need to rid myself of all the junk and get reconnected with God and with the most essential, truly necessary things.  I need to blot out all the glare and focus on the eternal light, my guiding light.  I need to tune out all the noise, so much of it within my own head, and listen to and learn what God wills for me.  I need to break down the barriers and lay myself open to Him, both to receive from Him and give to Him, without any of my silly and finite expectations or opinions of what is best for me.  I need to know, or recall, who it is He means me to be and what it is He means me to do.

A private, silent retreat of some sort sounds incredible to me.

Can anybody recommend something that might help me?  I’m really not sure what all is available.  Or where to start looking.

I just want a beautiful, peaceful, spiritually nourishing environment.  One that is absolutely faithful to and supportive of the Catholic faith (none of those retreat houses that offer reiki, tai chi, Zen meditation, etc.!).  The Mass and Eucharistic Adoration are a must.

Meanwhile, I do have my Lay Dominican retreat coming up on 8 August (St. Dominic’s feast day!), and that’s nothing to sniff at.  I always look forward to our retreats, and they are always excellent.  The wonderful Father Philip Neri Powell, OP, of Hanc Aquam fame, gives our talks, and this time he will speak on “Faith, Science, and the Contemporary Catholic.”  It’s sure to be fascinating!

[UPDATE] Thanks for the suggestions – they all sound like good places for retreat!  I’m nowhere near deciding yet, although, at the moment, I’m feeling sort of attracted to this Dominican monastery. [/UPDATE]

Sarasota churches?

I’m going to Sarasota, Florida at the end of August.  As always, when visiting a different city, I like to plan ahead of time where I will attend Mass.

So, does anybody know of any good churches or chapels in Sarasota?  Is there anything I need to know about the local Church there?

I thought I’d ask for personal feedback before investigating on my own.

Thanks!

A must-read post, and some musings about being prophetic

From Father Z:  “The Problem With Toning Down the Rhetoric – And Why We Probably Won’t Do It”

It reminded me of this Sunday’s scripture readings, and the wonderful homily our deacon gave, about the challenges and trials of the prophetic mission we all receive at baptism–and what happens when we neglect that mission.  Why, asked the deacon, is it practically taboo to speak of God in public?  Or why is there public outcry when Pres. Obama swats a fly, but silence when children are killed in the womb?  It’s because the prophets have disappeared.  Their voices have fallen silent. And those prophets are you and me.  Every single baptized Christian.

On the other hand, when we do speak out, we often find ourselves in a situation similar to that in which Lord Jesus found Himself in this Sunday’s gospel.  He was visiting His hometown, surrounded by family, friends, and neighbors, all the people He had grown up with.  And they reject Him.  They don’t believe in Him.  They scoff.

It’s not so different when some of our fellow Catholics tell us to quiet down about abortion, to stop being “single-issue” Catholics, or even to give up the pro-life movement altogether because it’s already lost.  Those who should stand with us instead stand against us.  Those with whom we already have so much common ground to share distance themselves from us.  Those who should encourage us scoff at us.

Never mind all the opponents we have in the secular world.  There’s more than enough opposition among us!  And it’s not because some of us need to tone it down.  It’s because too many of us care too much about feeling safe and comfy and all respectable in the eyes of the world to exercise our prophetic voices.  They may sincerely think that they are preserving some kind of peace and harmony, seeking common ground and dialogue with society.  I understand these things.  In fact, I’d be a bold-faced liar if I said I didn’t struggle with them myself.  But I do struggle, because I know that the easy, smooth, popular way is never the right way.

I think I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  Catholics have no safe, comfortable place in this world.  We will never be popular.  The sooner each of us realizes and accepts this, the more at one we will be as Catholics. The more we will share genuine common ground.

Speaking of which, lots of those people out there who talk so much about common ground and dialogue and tolerance would actually prefer that we Catholics vanish from society, disappear from the public square, never to be heard from again.  They want to do whatever they want, without any response from us.  Oh, I’m not suggesting they want us dead (though that has been the case before at various times and in various places), but they do want us silent.

That’s the way of the world.  No Catholic can choose that way.  It’s not an option.  It goes against everything we stand for.  It goes against the way our Lord and King took.  It goes against the way the prophets of old took.  It goes against the way all the Apostles took.  It goes against the way every single Martyr and Saint has taken.

No.  We have to take our role as prophets seriously.  Especially when it comes to the defining issue of our time, which is undisputably abortion.  The Church has consistently taught the evil of abortion.  But she has never been faced with it on this scale.  It out-scales every other social justice issue combined.   Every future generation of Catholics is going to look back at the Church of today and remember us for how we did or did not deal with the abortion issue.  They are going to judge whether we succeeded or failed… or even tried.  How do we want them to remember us?  Think about that for a moment.  If we truly represent the Culture of Life, we have to think about the future; not taking the future into consideration is a trademark of the Culture of Death.  It may sound silly or even arrogant, but I want to be thought of well by future Catholics.  Honestly, if I may say so, I wouldn’t mind being canonized!

That’s what I mean by the “defining issue of our time.”  It will define us.  It’s the great trial for us now.  The great battle right now.  The great crucible.  It’s not going away.  And it’s not going to make the secular world fond of us.  We have to take it very seriously.  We have to speak and act seriously on it.  We have to be willing to put ourselves on the line for it.  And we have to not allow ourselves be swept under carpets or hammered underground.  Not by the secular world, and not by other Catholics.

What’s been going on

I’m still not having a very good time of things.  My main issue lately has been worrying and stressing out about my cat.  She’s been pretty sick and losing weight.

I’ve taken her to the vet, and they’ve been doing various diagnostic tests.  They still aren’t sure what is wrong with her.

At first, they were pretty sure it was hyperthyroid disease, but her bloodwork and a more specific thyroid test have both come back normal.  Friday I took her for an ultrasound, because the vet was afraid it was cancer.  But the ultrasound didn’t show any tumors or anything alarming.

Currently, an internist is looking things over.  They’ll probably report back and recommend next steps on Tuesday.  Which means more waiting.  The waiting has been really weighing heavily on me.

I am very glad that kitty doesn’t seem to be suffering.  She still eats a lot.  She never was an energetic cat, so her lying around doesn’t seem abnormal.  She doesn’t cry or have difficulty getting around.  She doesn’t avoid me or the other cat (any more than usual).

I’m very relieved about that, but still… it’s been tough!  I haven’t been in this situation on my own before.  I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but it’s almost as bad as when my parents were sick!  I guess because my cat is relying on me so much.  She has nobody else to depend on.  And she can’t speak up and tell me or the doctors what is wrong with her.

The financial impact has been pretty tough too.  I just thank God I got a good-sized reimbursement from last month’s trip to NC, and my annual raise also kicked in this last month.  So, I’m not hurting as badly as I might otherwise have.  Plus, my parents have insisted on sending me aid… God bless them!  I don’t know where I, or my cats, would be without their constant and generous support.

And then, there’s the physical exhaustion of constantly having to clean up my apartment.  Let’s just say kitty’s illness has resulted in some pretty nasty messes.  It can be so frustrating.  I just can’t seem to get ahead.  And as soon as things are clean, they’re soiled again.

I’ve lost my temper at times… not because I’m really angry, but because I just need to vent or else I feel like I’ll go crazy and/or burst an artery and die.

So, that’s what I’ve been coping with lately.  And why I haven’t been blogging much.  I’m just tired.  Worried.  Trying very hard not to worry.  Praying.  Still worried.  Still tired.  I just hope the doctors find out what the problem is… and that it is treatable.

Very dear and well-meaning people have advised me to “prepare for the worst.”  No offense, but I can’t do that.  For one thing, I think it’s impossible to be prepared, no matter how hard we try.  For another thing, I don’t think I’ve yet been supplied with the actual grace needed to cope with that possible eventuality.  Thinking about that is what worries and distresses me so much.  Thinking ahead too much doesn’t help anything.  I trust that God will hold me up when the time comes.  But not any sooner.

Right now, I just need Him to help me with the waiting, the finances, and the cleaning.  And the general worriedness and tiredness.  Just for today.  Just for this hour.  That’s all I need.  Anything beyond that is… well… beyond.

I could surely use some prayers!  Thank you and God be with you.

A wonderful comment after Mass

After Mass this morning, a young lady was leaving the church at the same time I was.  As we went out, she turned to me and said, “Thank you for veiling.”  I saw that she had a white lace veil folded in her hand.

I was so pleasantly surprised by her kind comment that I was nearly stunned!  I think I managed to say something like, “Oh, um, you’re welcome.”  Which, I realized 2 seconds later, was totally lame.  What I was thinking was more like, “Oh, bless you, and thank you for veiling also!  You just made my day!  Have a lovely Sunday!”

Alas, I’ve always had this crazy roadblock between my mind and my mouth.  That’s what I mean when I say I’m a poor speaker.  Or is it more a case of being “socially inept?”  In either case:  Doh!  I hope I didn’t come across as rude.

But, my incredibly clumsy response aside… what a wonderful comment!  What a wonderful encouragement!

29 June: Princes of the Apostles, SS. Peter and Paul

Here is a beautiful hymn.  This translation is from my Angelus Press 1962 missal:

The beauteous light of God’s eternal majesty
Streams down in golden rays to grace this holy day,
Which crowned the princes of the Apostles’ glorious choir,
And unto guilty mortals showed the Heavenward way.

The Teacher of the world, and Keeper of Heaven’s gate,
Rome’s founders twain, and rulers, too, of every land,
Triumphant over death by sword and shameful cross,
With laurel crowned are gathered to the eternal band.

O happy Rome! who in thy martyr princes’ blood,
A twofold stream, art washed and doubly sanctified:
All earthly beauty thou alone outshinest far,
Empurpled by their outpoured lifeblood’s glorious tide.

All honor, power, and everlasting jubilee
To Him Who all things made and governs here below,
To God, in essence One, and yet in Persons Three,
Both now and ever, while unending ages flow. Amen.

[Updated] Gratitude to our priests

Beautifully captured in this editorial from the National Catholic Register.

My favorite line:

Thank you, priests, for sacrificing the fulfillment of “making it in the world” in order to give us a chance to make it in the next world.

Indeed, I don’t even know how well I would make it in this world without the care, guidance, and inspiration of our priests… much less the next world!

Deo gratias for all our priests!  Go read the whole article.

HT: one of my favorite blogging priests, Father Z!

[UPDATE]: Reading this also made me realize something important. Namely, that I don’t think I’ve ever properly thanked my own parish priest for all he does!  Duh!

So, I sent him a little letter via email.  I know that’s maybe not the most personal thing… but I’m not very good at speaking, especially when it’s something really important that I want to say.  And anyway, I just felt strongly compelled to say something right now.

I let him know that he helped spark my interest in the Dominican Order.  I heard him speak of it one time, a few years ago, really just in passing.  But it stayed with me and, unexpectedly enough, it opened a door for me that I might not have found otherwise, or at least, not as easily.  Funny how such small things can have such a huge impact!  He really does deserve thanks for helping me find my vocation.

I should probably send something to the priory as well.  How can I so easily overlook those closest to me?  Chalk it up to my being a total scatterbrain. [END UPDATE]

Morning in another world

I began my day by attending the TLM at my parish.  The TLM is always a transcendent experience, but this morning was even more so because of the chanting!  Usually, we have a simple, very quiet spoken Mass, but today, parts were chanted, and it was so… captivating!  I felt that my senses were lifted to a completely different sphere.  It made the Mass even more other-worldly.

It’s no wonder that the Second Vatican Council reaffirmed Gregorian chant’s pride of place in the liturgy (Sacrosanctum Concilium 116).  It’s a shame that that little declaration of the Council’s is often overlooked or disregarded.  As with so many liturgical treasures, many, if not most, Catholics have no idea what they are missing… or being deprived of.

Once again, I count my many blessings!  To be able to enter into another world without leaving my city–that is something truly amazing.

And yes, I realize that it happens at every Mass, simply because the Mass is the Mass.  But without the liturgy to fully direct us and transport us into the other world, to break the chains of the ordinary world, to liberate and enlighten mind, soul, and senses–without proper liturgy, the Mass can seem empty or boring, or else it can seem like a chore because we have to work so hard to find our own way into the other world, while being snatched at or pummeled over the head with distractions.  That’s assuming that we already know what that other world is like–if we don’t, then we might never find it.  We might be led to mistake the Mass as a place to socialize and be entertained.  Or we might just leave altogether because there is far better socializing and entertainment to be had elsewhere.

I remember back when I was first starting to consider returning to the Church.  I had begun doing a little exploration at Catholic Answers and other Web sites and radio programs.  I read and heard people exclaim how the Mass is Heaven on Earth, an entry into eternity and another world.  I remember thinking to myself:  “Are these people really talking about the Mass?”  I was skeptical… I had never experienced the Mass as something earth-shaking and other-worldly.  But I was also intrigued…  and after just a couple of times attending Sunday Mass at my parish, with my parish priest, I was utterly convinced!

I thank God always for bringing me to the right parish, and the right priest, at the right time.  And I also thank Him for nudging me on to the TLM!  I know I still have a lot to explore and learn and soak in!  It is so unreal that I ever considered the Mass, or Catholicism in general, to be boring!

Begging your pardon

I’m not being a very good blog hostess.

This has been a crazy month, and an especially crazy week.  I’ve been trying to work on some posts, but various aches, pains, stresses, and griefs have gotten me all in knots.

Prayers would be most welcome.

I’ll get back to blogging this weekend!

A long day… in a good way!

First, a very happy Father’s Day to all our dads and to all of our priests too!  I hope all have been having a much-deserved happy and relaxing day!

It is the longest day of the year here in Earth’s northern hemisphere–the Summer Solstice.

Of course, here in Texas, it has felt like summer for a couple of weeks now.  Triple-digit temps and no rain.  Not my favorite season… but thanks be to God all the same!