God is much greater than I

You wouldn’t think I would need to be reminded of this so often, but…  Yeah. I do.  It’s been the theme of this entire year for me.  I just thank God that He never grows impatient.

This morning, around 4 AM, He got to witness a huge temper tantrum from me.  That’s how it always starts.  I break under stress, which has built up and been compounded by my trying to handle everything myself, without leaning on God.  So naturally, I cry and complain and curse and blame Him for not doing my will.

Shameful, I know.  And yet it plays out time and time again.  At least until I get too tired to shake my fist, and I crumple into a little broken heap.

And that’s when God comes and picks me up and puts me back together.  And that’s when I finally realize who I am and who He is.  I the little one, He the great one.  I the weak one, He the strong one.  I the dependent one, He the reliable one.  I wish I had the humility to always realize it, without having to go through all the hysterics.

I don’t know why He puts up with me.  But every time, I find His goodness and power surrounding me like a cocoon.  I never cease to be amazed by His magnanimity and tenderness.