As I’ve probably mentioned before, one of my cats has been ill since summer. The doctors have been stumped as to what is wrong with her. No matter what we do, no matter how much money I spend, the situation just doesn’t get any better. Coping has been very hard, and it gets harder as time goes by. The nature of her illness is particularly distressing to my home life–basically, let’s just say, she can’t control her bowels, and she isn’t always able to get to one of the litter boxes.
Last night, after frantically trying to clean up a mess right beside my bed around 1:00 in the morning, I was lying awake, anxious and angry–not at the cat, but at the situation.
For the hundredth time, I was saying, “Lord, I don’t know how much longer I can keep going with this! I just want her to get well, but I also need my own health and sanity! Oh Lord, please let the vet find a solution and a cure! I just can’t take it any more! Oh Lord, give me a sign that everything is going to be all right. I just have to know that things are going to be all right…”
Whenever I ask for a “sign,” I always feel sort of foolish, as if God is laughing at me and saying, “A sign? You don’t need a sign from Me! Don’t be silly. Why do you ask for a sign when you know full well I’ve always taken care of you?”
I was so tired and so desperate that I didn’t care how foolish I was being. In fact, as I slowly fell back to sleep, I added, “I know… You could make it snow. That could be the sign. A good snow, enough to make the world white.”
Now, snow in Dallas is pretty rare, and snow on 2 Dec. is almost unheard of. Oh, the weather forecaster had said there might be a flake or two mixed in with the rain this morning, but nothing remarkable. When I woke before sunrise, I looked out the window and saw nothing but rain. Yes I had been a fool. Again.
As I put on my shoes, I said to God, “Lord, I know I shouldn’t ask for signs. I know that everything will be OK. You always make everything OK. I was just tired last night. Never mind all that talk about signs and snow. It was just my worry and half-asleep-addled mind talking.”
I thought no more of it… until I pulled out the driveway and realized, “Hey there’s some snow mixed in with the rain.” And I watched in amazement as, on the way to work, the rain became entirely replaced by snow–big, fat, fluffy flakes of snow! And they were coming down pretty hard!
A burst of childlike joy and wonder burst forth in my heart. I laughed out loud.
By the time I got to the university, the grass and plants and cars were being covered with white, and the air was full of white. The whole world was being made white!
At that point, I didn’t know whether I wanted to laugh or cry. God had given me my sign after all. It was so amazing and exciting and comforting. I felt so loved. And so rejuvenated, refreshed, re-ignited!
I only wish I’d had my camera! But here is a photo I found online taken in downtown Dallas, probably around the time I was driving to work:
The snow is melted now, but the hope and gratitude in my heart are still burning bright.
And I hear we might get more snow on Friday! :D