Mom called first thing this morning and said that Dad was refusing to eat and that delirium was setting in… and that the hospice doctor said he would probably pass within a week.
I am going to the funeral home in my hometown to set up some arrangements.
I will probably go back to Pittsburgh on Thursday.
I am eerily calm about everything. Maybe it’s shock and numbness. Maybe it’s weariness. Maybe it’s the grace of God fortifying me and holding me together.
It’s all rather surreal. But it’s not a dream. Oh, if only it were just a dream!
I feel like my life is passing from one shadow to another. I was finally starting to recover from losing my fiance, Patrick, in April 2005. And now I am about to lose the most important man in my entire life… Dad… I feel like my wounded heart is bursting open all over again, just when I thought it was healed and whole again.
Oh, why must things happen this way? I thought we’d have more time together. I thought I might get at least a few years of a normal, happy life. I thought my Dad would walk me down the aisle at my wedding someday, and get to know a grandchild or two. Oh, why couldn’t things have happened that way?
Oh Lord…
12 comments
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14 April 2010 at 8:59 AM
Our Heroine
Dearest — I am lurker here. I’ve never commented before, but I feel in my heart for you like a friend. I wanted to post here just to tell you that my heart is breaking for you, and that I am keeping you and your father in my prayers.
14 April 2010 at 3:55 PM
Practicing Catholic
Many thanks for posting your kind thoughts and words, and for your prayers. They mean so much, truly. God bless you.
14 April 2010 at 9:59 AM
Owen
Prayers and brotherly love. It’s all I can say.
14 April 2010 at 3:56 PM
Practicing Catholic
It’s all I need! Thank you and God bless you.
14 April 2010 at 10:48 AM
Julie D.
Praying. Dearest Heather … no words work for this. Wish I could help. Praying …
14 April 2010 at 3:57 PM
Practicing Catholic
Dearest Julie, thank you so much for your prayers and love. They really do help greatly. God bless you.
14 April 2010 at 5:19 PM
Lexington
I e-mailed you, but I can gladly reiterate the content of the message here. I wish I could be there for you more than I am now; to hear you out if you need it, to offer better support than this. I am grieved that you are facing these circumstances, but I hope the many messages that have been sent to you serve as a reminder of how you are, and will be, cared for. God Bless you, your father, and your family.
15 April 2010 at 7:30 AM
Practicing Catholic
Thank you so much, Lexington. Your compassion and prayers are more supportive than I can say. It really helps just to know that I have good, loving people thinking of me and being near me in spirit. Thanks again. God bless you!
14 April 2010 at 9:39 PM
Will Duquette
Times like this, being one of those intellectual types isn’t much help at figuring out what to say. So I’ll just say: I lost my father last July, and you and your dad will continue to be in my prayers. May God bless both him and you.
15 April 2010 at 7:35 AM
Practicing Catholic
Thank you, Will. Being intellectual is not much help with anything in times like this. But prayers never disappoint! I am sorry for your loss of your father. May he rest in peace. Thanks for your prayers. God bless you.
15 April 2010 at 11:34 AM
markarmitage
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
16 April 2010 at 3:59 PM
Stella
I haven’t commented in awhile, but I’m still a faithful reader. (((HUGS))) to you, Heather. May God be with you and your family, and comfort you during this time.
Love,
Stella