Just a few months ago I seriously started looking for a relationship with a man again. This is the first serious effort I’ve made since losing my intended husband 6.5 years ago. And, as you may have gathered from some of my recent posts… to say the least, things have not been going very well!
I don’t know if I’ve just had the bad fortune of running into lousy men, or if I am just so rusty with interacting with men that I have been making my own lousy mistakes, or if the rules have changed drastically in the last 6.5 years. Maybe it’s just that I am 6.5 years older now, and decades more mature than a person my age should be.
In any case, it has been so hard not to get utterly discouraged and fall into despair. Yeah, it’s only been a few months, but I’ve gotten quite a few fresh wounds in this short time! My spiritual life has been pushed nearly to its limits as I struggle not to lose hope and patience and trust in God.
However, I have also found great comfort in God and the Church–particularly the Communion of Saints. I have found some novenas that are said to bring wonderful, even miraculous, assistance in finding a spouse:
Currently, I have just completed the Novena to St. Jude–since finding a decent man and potential husband does seem like a rather impossible cause.
I also pray each day this prayer to St. Raphael the Archangel.
In these and in my daily Divine Office and Rosary, and each time I go to Mass, I pray that I will soon meet a good man to be my husband, and that in the meantime, I will devote myself to growing deeper in love with God and to preparing myself to be a good wife and mother, with the Virgin Mary as my role-model.
I also pray for all the other single Catholic women who are also longing for a good husband and marriage and children.
I offer prayers for my future husband and children and ask that we all be together as a family soon.
I pray very hard for all the single men out there, especially Catholics, that they will fervently and steadfastly and courageously pursue the vocation of marriage and be open to loving women, no matter how many times they may have been hurt or rejected.
I pray that all of my own wounds from the past will be healed so that I can give myself whole and healthy and happy to my future husband.
Overall, I am just trying to put God first in my life and trust that He will richly provide for every need and desire I have. I am trying to be mindful of, and very grateful for all that He has given to me and done for me, to focus on the blessings I have, rather than focusing on what I lack. And I am trying to always remember that I am His daughter, and He is my Father. He loves me, and I love Him, and from that love springs all others.
Whenever I ponder love, I am brought back to this quotation from the film, Diary of a Country Priest:
Priest: We did not invent love. It has its order, its law.
Countess: God is its master.
Priest: He is not the master of love. He is love itself. If you would love, don’t place yourself beyond love’s reach.
Words to live by.
13 comments
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27 October 2011 at 1:39 PM
Sue
Here to say as a wife for 2 1/2 years and mother to a nine month baby, embrace your freedom (even just being able to jump out of the car and run in somewhere) and the time for you and Jesus (relish being able to just sit in chapel)…and save, save, save so hopefully you can stay home with your children. It is great to hear my daughter say her first word (today), crawl for the first time, help her cut teeth, etc. whereas most babies have some random babysitter at a daycare experience these events.
May this help you to think positive that God may be glorified!
31 October 2011 at 3:12 PM
Practicing Catholic
Sue, thanks for your advice, although to be honest, cherishing my time and freedom was a lot easier to do when I was 25 than it is now that I am literally on the eve of my 35th birthday. It’s time for my life to take a different course and a different focus–God willing. I definitely hope to be able to stay home with my children, and I have been trying to prepare financially to provide for that. As much as I am thankful for my career, my idea of true success is being a wife and mother. Nothing else even comes close. God bless you and your family.
4 November 2011 at 2:06 PM
Aeschylus
Well said! I’ve had enough freedom for a lifetime, thank you. Now, I wouldn’t mind having a lot less…
27 October 2011 at 4:33 PM
Patricius
God bless you!
As an unmarried man, many years ago, I found myself reflecting upon my life thus far and of how God had led me through experiences that had shaped me in an extraordinary way. Indeed it seemed so extraordinary that there seemed to be no likelihood of my ever meeting anyone with whom I might reasonably expect to share my life. If that was the case, then I had better get used to it! Just keep saying the prayers! Shortly afterwards I met the only person I could ever possibly live with. We have been happily married for twenty-seven years. I think it just goes to show that we never know what the Lord has around the corner for us.
31 October 2011 at 3:17 PM
Practicing Catholic
Patricius: That is very true. Whenever I am tempted to lose hope, I try to look back at my life and see what a terrific and surprising–astonishing, really–journey God has brought me on so far, and how maby times He has saved me, protected me, and provided for me. Were there any particular prayers you prayed to find your wife? God bless you.
2 November 2011 at 5:14 PM
Patricius
(In haste) I recommend the Memorare.
31 October 2011 at 2:05 PM
Micah
Have you heard of Ave Maria Singles (www.avemariasingles.com)? It’s pricey, but I think it’s meant to ensure the caliber of Catholic people on there is high, and spiritually serious. Once I get my annulment, I plan to give it a try.
31 October 2011 at 3:00 PM
Practicing Catholic
Micah: Yes, I am on AMS. Haven’t had very good luck so far, but it hasn’t been that long. But it is worthwhile in that you get a permanent membership for what you pay, as opposed to a subscription you have to renew.
31 October 2011 at 3:38 PM
Andre
Don’t despair. It’s just a suggestion but try reading through sacred scripture where the subject of marriage and relationships come up – book of Ruth, David’s various imbroglios – I hope this doesn’t put you of men altogether! Then there is the wonderful miracle of Cana. I pray the man you’re looking for is out there and on his way to you.
1 November 2011 at 10:07 PM
Practicing Catholic
Andre: Thank you for the encouragement and prayers. God bless you.
26 November 2011 at 10:15 AM
Sugel
you are a special blessing to all of us!and yes, we are born to be love 'coz our great FATHER GOD IS LOVE. GOD bless you little ANGEL.
12 January 2013 at 9:02 PM
Aice
I am turning 30 on August and Im afraid of getting old alone. I am a single parent and I’d really want to find someone who’ll be with me. I don’t know if guys find mr unattractive or Im just too boring. I’ll try the novenas and thank you so much for posting it. Good luck on our journey of finding true love. I’ll let you know if I have found that guy. Thanks & God bless!
5 May 2013 at 12:14 AM
Ethelyn
I prayed to both Padre Pio and to Blessed Anna Maria Taigi as well as had my prayer request placed on the tomb of Jesus in the Holy Land for my future husband.
My prayers were answered the same year I sent my request to the Holy Land. Our honeymoon was a pilgrimage to Italy where I was able to thank Padre Pio and Blessed Anna Maria at their shrines.