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Dear friends, heartfelt apologies for my long absence. A lot has been going on, both in the world and in my own little life–the two are interconnected of course. Watching and reading the news has often gotten the better of me in the last few months. So much, so much wrong and evil and indignity in the world. However, it has helped me view my own life in a constructive way and come to some rather large decisions about how I want to live my life right now, in my current state of life, which happens to be singlehood.
1. No more mourning my singlehood. And I have been mourning, mostly because I’ve been coming to terms with the difficult truth: I may be single for the rest of my life. That’s all there is to it. And all the good-intentioned folks who say, “Oh no, there’s still time for you. Why my so-and-so didn’t marry until they were well into their forties!” can’t deny the fact that such things don’t happen for everybody. They just don’t, and the likelihood gets slimmer and slimmer every day. This is especially true the stricter one’s morals are regarding sex, marriage, and family. Which brings me to:
2. No more resenting Catholicism for my singlehood. It’s been the single biggest, baddest temptation I’ve had. “If only I weren’t Catholic, things would be so much easier, and I’d have so many more options!” It must be Satan’s favorite trick, using broken hearts to drive people from the Church. It may be one of his most successful, too, though I hope not. By God’s grace, I’ve tended to see it for what it is, and have realized how far below me it would be and how utterly miserable I would be if I gave into it. That doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled with it, though. I still feel it niggling at me sometimes–in fact even this very moment. But it’s just not an option. I’m putting my foot down!
3. No more feeling powerless to change the world and create a better future. I’m so tired of it! So what if I’m just one person? So what if my way of seeing things and doing things is unpopular? History has borne witness to it time and time again: one person can make a difference. They may never see it or know about it in this lifetime, but again, so what? If I didn’t believe this, my faith as a Catholic would ring hollow. If I really gave a flying fig about being popular, there’s no way I’d be a Catholic. But I do know this: a Catholic is not a powerless person. This is because a Catholic is never just one person, but a person in communion. A person backed up by their family in heaven and on earth.
4. Vive la Revolution! Down with the stale, sterile, hedonistic, dehumanizing sexual revolution of the last century! It’s time for the bold, daring, heroic, 21st-century revolution: purity, chastity, self-giving, and self-control. I truly believe this on its own can–and will–undo many ills. It’s made a world of difference in my own life and self. I know it’s done the same for other individuals. Every wide societal change begins with individuals! I cannot over-emphasize the importance of purity. Purity purges sin and disorder and allows every other virtue to take root and flourish. It heals, makes whole, and makes new.
Basically, what it comes down to is getting over and beyond myself, rejecting falsehoods, being brave enough to be counter-cultural, being faithful to what matters most, refusing to degrade myself in order to win approval or get by more easily, and refusing to feel in any way less valuable a person just because of a particular state in life.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a renunciation of marriage. If I were to someday be blessed to meet a wonderful man who’s right and good for me and enter with him into Holy Matrimony, I would fall to my knees in gratitude! It’s just now, if that never happens–I’m still going to fall to my knees in gratitude! On good days and bad days–every day!
It’s been a bit of a tough road to make peace with all of this, but it truly has been liberating and edifying. I guess I just wanted to offer this as encouragement to anybody who’s in a similar situation. You will find peace that this world cannot give, and the most glorious freedom and joy!
PS–I want to give special thanks to my local Lay Dominican family, because I have been so inspired and encouraged by their preaching and teaching on the topic of purity in recent months. It came at just the right time in my life to really get me moving forward and taking positive steps!
Valentine’s Day is difficult when you are single. I know that all too well, and I keep all single people in my thoughts and prayers on this day when love and romance are celebrated and loneliness and yearning are cast in darker, sharper shadow.
I’m not going to tell anybody not to feel sad or lonely or broken-hearted. It is only human to feel these things. Remember, however, that such things are only part of the ephemeral world, which is passing so quickly. They are not part of the eternal life that God wishes to share with us even, to some degree, while we are here in the world. As such, we should never let ourselves become fixated on them. Feel them, yes–and then offer them up. Today is Friday, right? Make it part of your Friday penance and your remembrance of the Lord’s Passion. Take those feelings and lay them at the foot of the Cross. Lift up your broken heart to the Crucified Lord and ask Him to make it whole. He will do it.
Instead of dwelling on what you lack, take some time to remember all of the many great blessings and wonders God has filled your life with. Remember that no person loves you and cherishes you more than God does. Let your heart be full of love and gratitude for Him. Also let your heart be full of love and gratitude for the people who are in your life: family members, friends, colleagues, teachers and mentors. The love we share with these people may not be as thrilling as romantic love, but it is generally more constant and loyal, every day of the year. There are also many, many people out in the world who are even more lonely and hurting and unloved than we are–even if they may not appear to be so. Look kindly on every person you meet. You never know how much good a smile or a hello might do for them–and for you too.
Know that you are not truly alone. I know that sometimes it feels like you are the only single person in the whole world on Valentine’s Day. You’re not. Your bonds with others who are in the same situation may span time and space–but they are there. This is especially true for Christians. We are never alone. No matter how isolated and alienated we might feel, the Church never fails to include us in her loving, universal embrace. We have people in Heaven, in Purgatory, and on Earth who share the familial bonds of the Church. None of them are ignorant of what we are going through and how we are feeling.
Have a happy and blessed day!
Yes, my Patron Saint for 2014 is none other than St. Peter!
I think I can imagine why he might have chosen me as his charge. I think he and I have one major character trait in common: an impetuosity that can be a good thing and a bad thing, a strength and a weakness. It can be bold and brave. It can also be reckless and imprudent. It can grow like an oak from devotion, determination, and steadfastness. It can also serve as a coverup for weakness, doubt, and cowardice. It can be zealous, and sometimes over-zealous. It can be firm and steady as bedrock.
For all of St. Peter’s faults, Christ saw his good qualities and encouraged them. His grace helped St. Peter to become the Church’s first pope. It also helped him become a martyr in the end.
I pray that I may grow in the good qualities of that impetuosity and that I may be open to Christ’s grace. I pray to understand that Christ loves me and sees so much good in me, and that He will lead me to become the best person I can be if I will just follow Him and His will. I need to grow in faith and in hope–I am constantly in need of that!
Dear St. Peter, thank you for making yourself my patron for this year. Please pray for me!
A very merry and blessed Christmas to one and all!
What a marvelous, joyous, and wonderful season begins today on this feast of the Nativity of the Lord. How fortunate we are if we know anything of the meaning and power of this holy day.
The name Christmas–assuming it is used at all and not displaced by the vague and generic “holidays”–has largely been stripped of that meaning and power. What our society commonly refers to as “Christmas” has become a season which now begins even before Halloween and mostly involves spending money and decorating things. Many people in our society will be giving one last Christmas hurrah tomorrow with bargain-hunting in the stores; many others will be eagerly taking down the decorations, having begun to grow tired of them after a couple of months. At best, Christmas is a sentimental time, a holiday for children and family and feasting.
But today is the Nativity of the Lord. Think on that name for a moment: the Nativity of the Lord!
Today is when God was born into human history, human nature, human experience. He who created us and the entire universe from nothing, He who exists beyond all time and space in what we call Eternity, He who is revered by all the choirs of holy angels–it is His nativity on earth that we celebrate! He did not come down in all His great glory, attended by legions of the Heavenly Host. He did not appear as a mighty super-man. If He had, we certainly would not refer to this day as His nativity. No, He was born as creatures are born: as an infant. Small, helpless, thoroughly dependent on others for survival.
Never had such a thing ever happened or even been dreamed of before. Nor shall such a thing ever happen again in time and space. It was a singular event, the Nativity of the Lord. That alone should earn our respect and our amazement. But like a drop of water impacting a still body of water, His Nativity changed everything–changes everything–and forever will change everything! The mingling of the material and the divine, of history and eternity, of the finite and the infinite could not fail to change everything. The birth of God in the world gave new birth to everything. It elevated humanity and all creation to a previously unimagined dignity, while revealing in the almighty God a profound and previously unimagined humility.
Modern man may imagine that after more than two millennia, he is no longer affected by nor subject to that event. He rationalizes away the holy season of Christmas as nothing more than a modern-day Saturnalia or Yuletide. And so it has become! While that is not entirely a bad thing, that isn’t the depth or breadth or truth of it. While many modern men will be content to leave it at that and rush off toward the next big festival, the Christian can never be content with such a thing.
Instead, let us allow ourselves to dive deeply into the tremendous wonder of this holy season and be carried, transported, and transformed by it. Let us appreciate and give thanks for the incredible thing our Lord did for us in His Nativity. And let us not do so only today, but for the entire Christmas season: the Twelve Days of Christmas, the Epiphany, and up until the Baptism of the Lord–to my knowledge, this is what Catholics observe as the Christmas season. While the rest of the world gets back to business as usual, let us persevere in the joy and wonder of Christ’s birth.
I’m blessed to share my home with two adorable furry housemates: Sabrina and Alvis. In addition to companionship, comfort, and fun, they’ve also given me occasion to ponder my relationship with God, how I see Him, and how He perhaps sees me. Granted, the analogy isn’t perfect; God sees me as His own daughter, not as a pet, and at the same time, He is far more superior to me than I am to my cats. But it’s been helpful nevertheless.
No matter how unpleasant your situation is, no matter how little sense it makes to you, keep trusting!
To my cats, getting locked up in a carrier, being taken to a strange place to be poked and prodded by strange people, then coming home only to be force-fed pills or vile liquids–sometimes with the added indignity of being wrapped up in a towel like a cat burrito–is nothing but a series of meaningless trauma. They don’t understand that these things are happening in order to make, or keep, them healthy and feeling well. And it is surely mystifying that the same person who was cuddling and feeding and playing with them just a short time ago should now turn so cruel and cold, ignoring their cries and their squirming. So it is sometimes with me and God. Sometimes life seems to take a cruel turn for no apparent reason, and sometimes God seems like a completely different Person, seemingly ignoring my pleas.
But just as I know that taking my cats to the vet and treating any ill condition is for their good, so does God know what good may come from times of testing, purification, building and re-building, fortifying my weak spots, strengthening me where I need it, and chiseling away ugly spots or sharp edges. And if my will toward my cats is so good, then surely God’s will toward me is far better still! And well, at least He hasn’t given me the burrito-wrap treatment… yet.
At the same time, be prepared to accept and to marvel that God is a complete mystery.
Each and every morning, my cats witness an astonishing ritual. Each and every morning they see me close myself up in a small, cramped torture chamber that–horror of horrors!–sprays water all over me. Water! All over me! And I submit myself to this insanity willingly, even with delight! What sort of messed up masochist does that?! And that’s just one example of the apparent insanity that possesses me.
Likewise, there are things I just can’t understand about God–things no mortal human can understand. Like the Trinity. Like the Passion and Crucifixion. Like the Resurrection. Like what exactly He sees in me that is so special that He created me out of nothing and holds me lovingly in existence, a little speck afloat in the unspeakable vastness of the universe–not only that but that He loves me! These mysteries–both majestic and intensely intimate to my little life–always surround God, as He surrounds me with His marvelous deeds, His tremendous power, His unwavering attention, and His boundless love. And how He must smile when we gaze toward Him wide-eyed and bewildered, just as I smile at my cat sitting nervously outside my shower!
How many people prefer to dismiss Him today as something impossible and foolish to believe in! How many people are eager to dismiss all things that are mysterious and marvelous just because they cannot be examined by human eyes or neatly defined by human definitions! What a magnificent relationship they are missing!
You’re always your best when you are simply yourself, flaws and all–there’s no need to fear rejection!
My cats sometimes make me crack up with laughter (see: Sabrina being silly at left). They do it without any shame whatsoever. They are free spirits who do whatever comes naturally in the moment. Sometimes, they make me shake my head because they don’t realize how incredibly comfy and easy their lives are–but I wouldn’t ever want it any other way! Sometimes they’re a real handful–like when I’m trying to give them medicine and they just won’t be still, and I have to resort to the burrito-wrap. But I understand and just do my best to make it as quick and painless as possible (knowing full well that they would beg to differ). And sometimes they are so incredibly sensitive and insightful and tender toward me when I am sad or sick or in any kind of pain that it’s like God is acting through them. They may never know what it means to me that they are just who and what they are, and that I love them for it.
I think God regards us the same way, whether we make Him laugh or shake His head or even when we squirm and kick and scratch and protest and do our darnedest to shove Him away. He knows when we are trying to lie or hide or BS Him. He sees straight through us. He knows how we are made. He knows our limitations. He knows our individual personalities. He knows them–He loves them–He even died for them. And no matter how much we may reject Him–for He made us free to do so if we truly wish it–He never wills nor wishes to reject us. That’s pretty amazing, isn’t it? Sometimes, it’s a bit difficulty and even frightening to believe! We are so fearful of the rejection we sometimes suffer from our fellow man. We may instinctively try to throw up walls between ourselves and God.
But what liberty, what joy, what lightness of being and peace of mind can be ours if we will venture to just be ourselves before God! I could never reject my cats just for being the cats they are. And God would never reject me for just being the human being I am. Nor would he reject any one of us for being who and what we are.
As good as we are to our pets, those little creatures we share our lives and homes with, God is far better–infinitely better!–to us. And as much as we enjoy our pets, God rejoices so much more in us, His own children. And as much as we would love to spend our whole lives with our beloved pets, so much more does God desire to spend all eternity with us. So never doubt, never fear, never dismiss Him! Curl up in his arms with all the confidence and security that your pets curl up next to you with!
Alvis says “Relax!”
Blithely browsing my Facebook feed, I came across astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s 8 books every intelligent person should read. I’m always interested to read these kinds of lists. I always presume knowledge and expertise, as well as good will, on the part of the book selector. Boy did I bomb out on this one.
Here is the first item on the list:
1.) The Bible (eBook) – “to learn that it’s easier to be told by others what to think and believe than it is to think for yourself.”
Seriously? That’s the only reason to read the Bible? Any book list that begins with such a potshot at the Bible is an automatic and complete FAIL. It’s such an ignorant, dishonest, and arrogant statement that I can not possibly let it slide.
First of all, if the Bible’s adherents were so eager to be told what to think and believe, then why did they resist the Romans (and other powers before them) to the point of enduring torture, death, and all out genocide? They could have easily saved their skins and their way of life by just offering incense to the State Gods to appease their oppressors. They didn’t. Why is that?
Secondly, the Bible didn’t just fall out of the sky saying “Here, this is how you have to think and act and believe. Do it or die.” Rather, the Bible–not one book, but a diverse collection of books–came about over centuries and centuries, growing up from the thoughts, insights, religious beliefs, life experiences, and aspirations of a people. The Bible was a result, not a dictator.
It’s a full, rich body of literature, comprising everything from historical chronicles to songs, apocalyptic literature to erotic poetry. It’s full of profound wisdom, brutal honesty, a magnificent comprehension of human nature, and glorious artistry. And if the human writers, and we who have followed, have believed that their inspirations came from God, then fine–respect it and assume that they and we are sincere in that belief, even if you personally don’t believe it.
But whatever you do, if you care about being regarded as intelligent, don’t hold up a book you obviously don’t know or understand and misrepresent it to make yourself look superior.
Any true striving for knowledge requires humility and liberal-mindedness–they are required, not optional. Tyson betrays his lack of both, right from the beginning. And I bet there are lots of people who will gladly take his word for it. Hopefully there are also people who will take his recommendation and find out for themselves the true value of reading the Bible, be they a detached scholar or a religious believer.
Tyson concludes by saying: “If you read all of the above works you will glean profound insight into most of what has driven the history of the western world.”
Come now, sir, for that to be true, the list should have included at least one classic work from the Greeks, Romans, or Medievals. Machiavelli and Sun Tsu are the best you can offer? Western Civilization is neither impressed nor amused, Mr. Tyson.
Today we celebrate a great and extremely interesting Saint, Mary Magdalene.
A woman of considerable mystery and controversy, her exact identity is not clear. Is she the same as Mary of Bethany, the sister of Martha and Lazarus? Is she the unnamed sinner who anointed Christ’s feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair? Was she a prostitute?
Her name brings to mind repentance, conversion, and liberation from evil. One of the few clear statements about her in scripture says that she was exorcised of seven demons, and after that she followed Christ on His journeys.
We also know with certainty that she was present at the Crucifixion and that she was the first person to receive and announce the Good News of Christ’s Resurrection. Dominicans regard her as a patroness of our Order, for she was the preacher to the preachers and the apostle to the apostles.
Even with such scarce evidence, we can conclude that St. Mary Magdalene had a remarkable and dramatic spiritual journey, a profound conversion.
While some might take umbrage with identifying her as a great sinner, the mention of her possession by seven demons suggests that for some period of time her life was far from saintly. As a woman who has in the past has lived dangerously close to the demonic, I have long identified closely with St. Mary Magdalene. When talking about my experiences with fellow Catholics, I have occasionally been met with appalled and scandalized responses, a very un-Catholic recoiling from my past as if it were still my present and my future, as if there were no such thing as repentance, conversion, and salvation of sinners. And I have to admit that I am sometimes the most appalled of all, nearly tempted to doubt my own salvation.
But just as St. Mary Magdalene cannot be defined by her past errors, neither can I be, nor can anybody who turns their face to Christ and opens their heart to His saving grace! The only sense in which we are defined by our past is that the great darkness which is behind us makes the transforming light of Christ gleam all the more radiantly! Where sin abounded, grace abounds all the more, as St. Paul said. And as St. Augustine said, every Saint has a past, and ever sinner has a future. (Sts. Paul and Augustine should know very well, for they too are well-known as repentant and converted sinners.)
What greater grace could there be than to encounter the resurrected Christ in person? And what greater future for a sinner than to announce that Good News for the first time in human history? Those are the reasons we honor the great Saint, Mary Magdalene, and because she who was once Satan’s possession became Christ’s, preacher to the preachers, apostle to the apostles, and a glorious model of hope, repentance, and conversion for all of us sinners.
St. Mary Magdalene, pray for us!
Amidst the joy that I and so many people have felt at the election of Pope Francis, I have also encountered worry, alarm, even anger from some Catholics who are afraid that the Holy Father has been hostile toward the extraordinary form of the Mass and will reverse all of the liturgical decisions of Pope-emeritus Benedict. You can read more at any number of other blogs.
I am a bit baffled by the whole thing. I admit that it’s not entirely clear to me what the Holy Father’s stance is on the EF. I’ve read that the attempt to implement it in Buenos Aires crashed and burned. I don’t know if that can be blamed on the Holy Father. Here are some things that do seem clear to me and give me reason not to be too concerned:
1. He loves and respects Pope Emeritus Benedict. At the very least, I can’t imagine him tossing Summorum Pontificum into the garbage. I can’t imagine him disparaging or discouraging its implementation. Its implementation may not be a priority for him. He may not say Mass ad orientem or repeat everything that Benedict did. That’s a far cry from destroying the liturgy.
2. Something I have not seen yet in the discussions about liturgy is the fact that he served as bishop to Eastern Rite Catholics in Buenos Aires, as well as Latin Rite Catholics. And apparently he is well-liked and respected by the Ukrainian Catholic Patriarch, who says, among other things:
I would first like to say that the newly elected Pope Francis was mentored by one of our priests, Stepan Chmil who is now buried in the basilica of St. Sophia in Rome. Today’s Pope, during his time as a student of the Salesian school, awoke many hours before his classmates to concelebrate at our Divine Liturgy with Fr. Stepan. He knows our Tradition very well, as well as our Liturgy.
If Pope Francis has a love and understanding of Eastern Divine Liturgy, surely he can’t be all that antagonistic toward the traditional Latin Rite liturgy. It seems to me that anybody who hated the EF would not touch the Divine Liturgy with a ten-foot pole (nor would anybody want them to!). Am I wrong? Has anybody read or heard anything else about his relationship with the Eastern Catholics?
3. The Holy Father seems pretty traditional to me overall. He preaches about the devil, for crying out loud. And that’s a good thing! That’s something that the modern Church needs more than anything.
Mostly, I just think that we need to give him a chance to show us who he is… to not make any hasty judgments… and to not compare him with Pope Emeritus Benedict at every turn. We have to know and respect him on his own terms. To know him based on what we see him do and hear him say.
The name Francis likely reveals what will be the main themes of this papacy. I’ve heard confirmations that the Holy Father chose the name Francis in honor of St. Francis of Assisi, as opposed to St. Francis Xavier or St. Francis de Sales. However, all three of these great saints have important things in common: all three of them were great evangelizers, and all three pursued a mission of building, or re-building, the Church in very difficult times.
The image of St. Francis of Assisi has often been softened in modern times into some kind of medieval hippie. But the truth is that he–like my father, St. Dominic–lived in a time when the Church was on crusade abroad, while falling to heresy and internal weakness and corruption at home. It is said that Christ Himself charged St. Francis to re-build His Church, which was falling into ruin, while Pope Innocent III had a dream in which he saw Francis physically holding up the Basilica of St. John Lateran. St. Francis also ventured into the camp of the Sultan of Egypt near Damietta with the intent of either converting him or dying in the attempt. He kissed a leper and bore the wounds of crucifixion in his own body. He had a boldness and toughness that he often doesn’t get credit for today.
St. Francis Xavier, one of the first Jesuits who studied with St. Ignatius of Loyola, was a fervent and fearless missionary to distant lands such as India and Japan–lands in which Christianity was pretty much unknown. He is said to have converted more people to the faith than anybody since St. Paul. He died just within reach of mainland China, which had been his ultimate goal.
St. Francis de Sales had close ties and working relationships with both the Jesuits and the Franciscans. As the bishop of Geneva, he strove to re-convert and re-evangelize those around him who had left the Church for Calvinism. His gentleness and intellect won many of them back. He also served as a spiritual director to many, many Catholics from all walks of life to strengthen, reassure, and instruct them. We are blessed that many of his letters and writings have survived; they are just as relevant as ever. (In fact, I give St. Francis de Sales credit for helping me to come back to the Church.)
We are again living in very difficult times. Traditionally Catholic and Christian nations are falling to radical secularism and so-called liberalism which is anything but liberal-minded. The Church is imploding due to internal weakness, divisions, corruption, and scandal. Generations of Catholics have been poorly formed and catechized and have all too easily drifted into the secular world or into other Christian communities or other religions. Meanwhile, new generations of Catholics in places like Africa and Asia, as well as very ancient communities in the Middle East, are striving amid enormous adversities, often striving for their very lives and yet nonetheless thirsting for the Gospel and the Church, and longing for the love, support, guidance, and reassurance of their brethren and the Holy Father.
In short, traditionally Catholic and Christian lands are in dire need of re-evangelization and re-conversion, the Church is in need of re-building and re-forming from within, and Catholic communities both old and new in other parts of the world are in need of building up and support. These processes have been begun by previous popes. They have laid the framework and the kindling. I believe our current pope, true to his namesake(s), is going to light it all on fire!
For myself, I can say that Pope Francis has already inspired me to greater humility, greater prayer and spirituality, and above all, greater simplicity and poverty of spirit. All the good intentions I had for this Lent, all the disciplines, all the penances, have just been kicked up to the next level. And believe it or not, this Jesuit with the name and heart of the great Saint Francises, has inspired me to live out more fully my Dominican spirituality. Of course, Dominicans always have, and always will, play an important part in any form of evangelization and building up of the Church. Dominicans, like Franciscans, are a mendicant order. I think we may get back to those roots under the influence of Pope Francis. And when the Dominicans get back to their roots–not only the spirit of poverty, but the very important roots of prayer, study, and preaching–great things are bound to happen!
As my sister St. Catherine of Siena said, “When you are what you should be, you will set the world on fire!” I think Pope Francis is going to help all Catholics everywhere to be what we should be–disciples of Christ! May it be so–amen.
White smoke drifting into the night sky:
The world watches…
The crowd goes wild:
A moment of prayer:
The cardinals take in the crowd’s jubilation, and no doubt look forward to resting more easily: