As some of you may know, I was quite the goth girl in my undergrad days, and for many years following.  I still enjoy goth rock and a visit to a goth club now and then.  I may not look it much any more, but I’m still a goth at heart.

So of course, I found this stellar bit of faux-journalism by Seraphic Single to be most hilarious!

Here are a just a couple of little morsels to whet your appetite:

“St. Francis of Assisi was a Goth,” says Hildegard with conviction. “I mean, this is a guy who called Death his Sister. And he embraced poverty as his bride. You don’t hear about embracing poverty any more. It’s all about eliminating it. Well, come on. Me and my friends totally embrace poverty to do our thing. And mortifying the flesh! Look, when St. Francis felt temptations, he didn’t go to a shrink or nothing to tell him it was okay. He went and rolled in the rosebushes. The rosebushes! Roses, thorns-—okay, that is so totally Goth.”“They’re called Gothic cathedrals for a reason,” adds Boniface.

“Like, yah-ah,” says Hildegard earnestly.


“… Oh, and don’t get me started on the ordination issue.”I ask if she means women’s ordination.

“No, I mean Gothic ordination. There’s a complete purge going on in the seminaries. A guy shows just the slightest interest in mortification–-not eating dessert, for example, or being caught with a hairshirt–-and he’s shown the door. I had a student-–brilliant kid, worked part time as a cage dancer in a Goth club to pay tuition-–who got kicked out of St. —’s for having a skull in his bedroom. He told them it helped him remember he was going to die. They said he lacked a pastoral sensibility. So out he went. That’s the kind of oppression we’re talking about.”


Go read the whole thing!  :D