Lately, I’ve found myself very often occupied by memories… staring out the window at the trees or the sky… sighing over people and places and times I miss… wishing I could go back in time to this or that moment and stay there forever, or perhaps fix something or do something differently.

I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s something much more than nostalgia.  I am a rather nostalgic person sometimes, but this is much more intense.  It has an edge to it that pains me and troubles me.  Sometimes I feel it is wrapped up in grief and regret.  Other times it involves a stronger-than-usual attachment to this life and this world, almost to the point where I never want anything to change, and I never want to die.  Odd for someone who tends to long for Heaven.  I am grateful for my life and for this world, each with their good and not-so-good qualities, but I am wary of being too attached to them.

My mind keeps trying to be logical and find some reason for it.  Perhaps it is just part of aging; I have more now than ever to look back on.  Perhaps it is just a completely normal, natural part of life.  I hope so.  But…

These are very deep feelings.  I get a sense that they are very important feelings.  That they mean something.  I just don’t know what.

I fear I’m not making much sense.  I just had to put this all out here.  Any thoughts?