I’m still not having a very good time of things.  My main issue lately has been worrying and stressing out about my cat.  She’s been pretty sick and losing weight.

I’ve taken her to the vet, and they’ve been doing various diagnostic tests.  They still aren’t sure what is wrong with her.

At first, they were pretty sure it was hyperthyroid disease, but her bloodwork and a more specific thyroid test have both come back normal.  Friday I took her for an ultrasound, because the vet was afraid it was cancer.  But the ultrasound didn’t show any tumors or anything alarming.

Currently, an internist is looking things over.  They’ll probably report back and recommend next steps on Tuesday.  Which means more waiting.  The waiting has been really weighing heavily on me.

I am very glad that kitty doesn’t seem to be suffering.  She still eats a lot.  She never was an energetic cat, so her lying around doesn’t seem abnormal.  She doesn’t cry or have difficulty getting around.  She doesn’t avoid me or the other cat (any more than usual).

I’m very relieved about that, but still… it’s been tough!  I haven’t been in this situation on my own before.  I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but it’s almost as bad as when my parents were sick!  I guess because my cat is relying on me so much.  She has nobody else to depend on.  And she can’t speak up and tell me or the doctors what is wrong with her.

The financial impact has been pretty tough too.  I just thank God I got a good-sized reimbursement from last month’s trip to NC, and my annual raise also kicked in this last month.  So, I’m not hurting as badly as I might otherwise have.  Plus, my parents have insisted on sending me aid… God bless them!  I don’t know where I, or my cats, would be without their constant and generous support.

And then, there’s the physical exhaustion of constantly having to clean up my apartment.  Let’s just say kitty’s illness has resulted in some pretty nasty messes.  It can be so frustrating.  I just can’t seem to get ahead.  And as soon as things are clean, they’re soiled again.

I’ve lost my temper at times… not because I’m really angry, but because I just need to vent or else I feel like I’ll go crazy and/or burst an artery and die.

So, that’s what I’ve been coping with lately.  And why I haven’t been blogging much.  I’m just tired.  Worried.  Trying very hard not to worry.  Praying.  Still worried.  Still tired.  I just hope the doctors find out what the problem is… and that it is treatable.

Very dear and well-meaning people have advised me to “prepare for the worst.”  No offense, but I can’t do that.  For one thing, I think it’s impossible to be prepared, no matter how hard we try.  For another thing, I don’t think I’ve yet been supplied with the actual grace needed to cope with that possible eventuality.  Thinking about that is what worries and distresses me so much.  Thinking ahead too much doesn’t help anything.  I trust that God will hold me up when the time comes.  But not any sooner.

Right now, I just need Him to help me with the waiting, the finances, and the cleaning.  And the general worriedness and tiredness.  Just for today.  Just for this hour.  That’s all I need.  Anything beyond that is… well… beyond.

I could surely use some prayers!  Thank you and God be with you.

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